


a baby sleeps in all our bones, so scared to be alone

by cori_the_bloody



Series: community appreciation week [2]
Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Comfort/Angst, Episode Fix-it, F/M, One Shot, a wild concept i know, what if jeff's friends actually acknowledged his pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-24 06:26:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10736010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cori_the_bloody/pseuds/cori_the_bloody
Summary: Garrett's engagement brings some of Jeff's pain to the surface.A Wedding Videography episode-insert that takes things in a pretty canon-divergent direction.





	a baby sleeps in all our bones, so scared to be alone

**Author's Note:**

> **Word Count:** 1,700  
>  **Author's Note:** Thank you, thank you to Bethany for her beta skills.  
>  If you're anything like me, the first scene in Wedding Videography broke your heart and the fact that no one said anything to Jeff made it worse. So...consider this a band-aid.  
> written for [community appreciation week](http://catty-words.tumblr.com/tagged/communityaw17*) day 3: episode insert fic

“No! Did I miss it?” Annie comes crashing into the noisy classroom, wielding a camera and an expectant smile. “What happened? What’d she say?”

“Yes!” Garrett squawks. “I’m getting married!”

With a groan, Jeff fishes out his secret stash of scotch and pours himself a full glass. But no amount of alcohol is gonna stop the chaotic celebration from carrying on, and unfortunately for him, his ears are attuned to Annie’s voice. He can pick out exactly what she’s saying, even among the crowd of people chattering and laughing.

“Oh my god! Congratulations! I’m so happy for you.”

After taking a burning gulp of scotch, Jeff’s eyes drift to the middle of the room where Annie’s giving Garrett an awkward half-hug.

“I think if you guys mosey on over to the cafeteria, you’ll find some Frankie-approved champagne and a party waiting to get started,” she says as she pulls away. “Half-price Shirley’s Sandwiches for everyone!”

“Class technically isn’t over,” Garrett says, his eyes darting toward the front of the room. When he catches Jeff’s eye, Jeff only sneers and pours himself more to drink.

“Please, I’m sure the professor didn’t have any actual lesson plans anyway.” Annie’s voice is playful as she replies, but when Jeff finishes taking a sip from his glass, he catches her gazing at him. He would say she looks concerned, but that’s not a strong enough word. It’s more like her heart has come unravelled and is trying to escape her chest through her eyes.

He winces, and she raises her eyebrows at him questioningly.

“Class dismissed,” he says, averting his gaze.

While everyone else leaves in an excited mob, she stays. Of course she stays. He refuses to look at her, but he can still feel her in the room.

“I better text Britta and tell her the consolation party won’t be necessary,” she says, perching on the edge of his desk and setting down the camera.

“I still don’t understand why you wasted the time planning two parties,” he says, shaking his head.

“Well we had no way of knowing how this would turn out for Garrett. I wanted to be prepared.”

“Romantic Annie meets Organized Annie. A dangerous cross-section of your personality.”

Her hand catches his wrist as he goes to take another sip of his scotch, gentle yet commanding. “Are you okay, Jeff?”

He flinches, but doesn’t pull away. It feels selfish to crave her touch after his revelation last spring, yet here he is, doing it anyway.

“I’m fine,” he says, but even he can appreciate the irony of the way his voice strains over the words, insincere and so, so tired.

His eyes flicker over to her face long enough to catch her frown.

“I know we haven’t, um, spent much time together this year in a one-on-one sense,” she says, and he can already feel the panic building in his chest, constricting his throat. “But you know you can still tell me anything, right? You know I’m here for you you no matter what, don’t you?”

Jeff shakes free of her grip so he can finish his drink. Disappointment and worry roll off Annie in waves, but she doesn’t say anything more.

She’s way too damn good at waiting him out.

“I can’t,” he says finally, setting the empty glass aside—her weighty stare keeps him from pouring some more—and looking her steadily in the eye.

Annie’s expression, a mixture of hurt, confusion, and resignation, strikes him right in the heart.

“Did I—?”

“No,” Jeff shakes his head, laughing humorlessly. “No, this isn’t on you. I….”

She raises her eyebrows but doesn’t push.

He pushes a hand through his hair, gathering—what? Not courage, certainly. So maybe it’s more like he’s letting go of something. His pride. The walls he’s carefully constructed around his heart. His good sense, if there’s even any of that left.

“I’d really convinced myself that I never wanted to settle down,” he starts, dropping his gaze to his hands, which are sitting limply, palms down, on top of his desk. “I thought I could be happy being a lawyer and a free agent for the rest of my life, but then I failed in a big way and I had to accept that I’m never gonna have the career I once wanted.”

“Jeff…” she says, her voice pitying.

“No, you can’t interrupt, or I’ll never get this out,” he says, looking back up at her face but avoiding her eyes.

She nods.

“So I accepted the teaching position, and I adjusted my idea of what I could be happy doing for the rest of my life. Teaching wouldn’t be great, but if I had you guys, my family, it would work out. Then Pierce died and Troy left.” Jeff’s voice cracks, and Annie makes the saddest sound in the back of her throat, like she’s choking on the viscosity of his grief. He soldiers on, though. “Now Shirley’s gone, too, and I don’t know how long everyone else will stick around, because their lives haven’t reached a dead end like mine has.”

“Jeff, your life isn’t at a dead end.”

He ignores her. “Who would have guessed that the last straw would be _Garrett_ getting engaged? I mean, I don’t care what that kid does with his life. But I am shallow enough to care that he’s happy when I’m not. And I’m not. Happy. I don’t even remember what it feels like, Annie.”

“Jeff…” She swallows down the rest of her thought and grabs hold of his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

He still hasn’t gotten to the point, so he ignores the distress in her voice and keeps talking, letting the words come in a rush. “But I can imagine how my life could change so that I might get there again. And the weirdest part is, it starts with settling down.”

With a gulp, he catches her eye. Her expression is guarded, but he still understands the emotion there; she’s already figured out what he’s saying, but she’s not gonna let herself believe it. Who could blame her?

He forces himself to spit out the words while still looking directly at her. This time there’s no room for ambiguity. If he screws it up, he loses everything. 

“Specifically,” he says, enunciating fairly well for someone who’s starting to feel the slow trickle of alcohol through his veins, “it starts with settling down with you.”

She blinks, her expression suddenly blank.

His throat constricts, and in the midst of his panic, he continues, feeling like he’s no longer in control of the words leaving his mouth. “That’s why I’ve been avoiding you this year, in the one-on-one sense. That’s why I can’t talk to you like before. I can’t keep leaning on you like I did in the past—it’s not right. My love for you is gonna ruin your life and I could never live with myself if I let that happen.”

She stands up, her brow furrowing, and starts pacing in front of his desk. All at once, her face is an open book again, and she’s _pissed_.

“That’s the _stupidest_ thing I’ve ever heard.” 

“I know,” Jeff says miserably, his fingertips itching with the urge to pour more scotch.

“You just decided this wouldn’t work out all on your own?” Annie rages, shouting loud enough to fill the entire room.

He’s so stunned, it takes him a second to work out what she’s saying.

“You didn’t bother to, oh, I don’t know, ask me how _I_ thought your being in love with me would affect _my_ life before you went and convinced yourself it would be my undoing? Get over yourself, Jeff! You don’t have that kind of power over me, just like I _clearly_ don’t have that much influence over you if you just went on being a pigheaded _idiot_ after this revelation!”

It’s his turn to blink, his mind going totally blank with confusion.

(Well, not _totally_ blank. There’s a tiny glimmer of hope that’s ignited, but if he doesn’t acknowledge it, maybe it’ll go away.)

When he doesn’t react, she continues. “And _this_ is how you tell me? Dump it on me as if you’re expecting me to nod and smile and agree. ‘Why yes, Jeff, you have no place in my life, and I’m really looking forward to leaving you here, miserable and alone’.”

She deflates as suddenly as she’d exploded.

“Annie, I—I’m sorry.”

Annie shakes her head and walks over to him, sliding up onto his desk and leaning forward into his personal space.

He takes a deep breath, holding her in his lungs, and she cups one of his cheeks in her warm palm.

“You’re really frustrating sometimes, you know that?”

“Trust me, no one knows that better than I do,” he says, leaning into her touch.

She smiles, soft and amused and concerned. “I wish you hadn’t decided to isolate yourself. Because I’m here for you no matter what, Jeff, and that’s _my_ choice.”

He musters a responding smile. “Okay.”

“I want to help you remember happiness.”

His eyes drift closed and he nods. “Okay.”

“And when you’re ready, we’re gonna talk about the future. Our future. Because I want you in my life, and that’s not going to change.”

“Okay.”

The glimmer of hope burns brighter, and Jeff lets it.


End file.
